I walked and met Amber for lunch by her work in South Bank. We decided on a sushi place where i got to experience my first sushi conveyor belt... it was interesting! After lunch i walked to The Modern of Queensland and looked around the permanent exhibits and bought a few things from the gift shop! I didn't actually go into the Matisse exhibit because Amber wanted to go with me. So anyway, i've been walking everywhere since the sun is out! It's extremely humid, but i manage.

The sun is finally out! After a whole week of rain! Yesterday i took a walk down to South Bank and relaxed in the parks off the river. On my way home i stopped in a few shops and ended up buying some locally made soaps made with oatmeal and goats milk! It's wonderful.

Queensland: The Sunshine State

My day was in good company. For work, Rob and I drove Simon out to the Gold Coast to walk the beaches of Surfers Paradise. The weather was gloomy, but i managed to see past the fog and the red, muddy, slick roads that accompanied the small trip. To my surprise, i had an eye-opening shift working with the disabled young man. Though i did not get to bask in the sun or dive into the ocean, i realized that my natural calling to take care of and protect others is more than just a natural gift- it's what i'm supposed to do. I understand now that in my heart i have always known that i needed to take care of someone- whether it be a significant other, family, or just a friend. Having a heart with unlimited, unconditional love and care for others is most definitely something you come across every so often, but i feel i am worthy of the position. Coming from a family who has experienced such hardship first-hand with disabled loved ones, my empathy is bottomless. The thought of an equal going without unconditional love and care breaks my heart.

But i suppose i should step out of the hazy, surreal world that is my mind and let everyone back home know that this trip to Australia has already had an incredible impact on my life. Before i left, i knew i was coming here for something significant but i didn't know what, nor did i expect to know- ever. It is to my delight to let everyone know that i will come home a new woman, touched forever by the hearts of people that need me. People that truly, sincerely need me. In the past i have struggled with a sense of abandonment, like i wasn't needed enough or like the friendship i had to offer wasn't quite what people wanted from me. I always knew that i had this incredible ability to make people feel comfortable but i never quite saw the feedback i always wanted. I know now that my past is a minor bump in the road. Without everyone back home that ever left or abandoned me, or even faded away- i wouldn't be in the place i am this very second. So here is a thank you to those people that dropped me, lost interest, or left... without you, i wouldn't know how to feel.

After walking up and down the beach with Simon, he grabbed my arm and linked elbows with me and walked up the sand dunes and to the car. After a single day, he knew he could trust me and felt safe- something he wasn't able to do so easily in the past. So with that, enjoy these photos i snapped during the walk. It was a beautiful day, and i hope you're having/had/will have something similar. 

With every loss there is a gain. Without that loss every gain that follows would hold no meaning. So chin up, and enjoy your day. Love endlessly, and remember that no matter what- i love you!

-Mack

Super excited to be in Cloudland at 2pm for drinks ;)

CLOUDLAND! 

Amber looking fabulous in China Town! 

AMAZING.

Cloudland bathrooms! 

Story Bridge and the city.

So what, when, and where is consciousness?
“You can’t ask for it because you don’t know what to ask for. But it is just arrives and you accept that you’ve generated it, but it looks as if it just came from heaven.”

My mind is screaming “Structure? Forget structure!” but the only thing I can seem to focus on is the game of Cricket on television and the thin layer of moisture covering my body, causing the crumbs on the couch cushion to stick to my legs. I spent the last hour listening to a lecture given by Hilary Montel on Film and Drama; Though very helpful, it has caused me to fall into a downward spiral of creative frustration and confusion (the term ‘downward spiral’ is debatable). I notice my lips are chapped when I realized that my style of writing falls in sync with my actual thoughts on structure- what a coincidence.
This also brings to my attention another topic I have caught myself chewing on a lot lately: your subconscious. Just as I found myself rubbing my chapped lips moments ago, I have found myself falling into another downward spiral of (very) conscious frustration and confusion. So where do I stand? There seems to be a state of mind where I remain stationary, somewhere between hopelessness and invincibility. A lack of structure and style follows.
Naturally, my mind is now screaming “But to step out for a just a moment means I have to pay attention to things that are actually happening!” like how I don’t know a single thing about Cricket, which I’ve been “watching” for the past thirty minutes.  I suppose this is when I talk about my day, aside from listening to lectures and falling victim to self-doubt… my day was rather uneventful, but quite encouraging for the most part. I went on a tour of the home I will be working in this Sunday, the 29^th. Two young men in their twenties live there, both with severe mental disabilities.  I will be working a six hour shift maintaining the boys’ daily structure and activities, which include, but are not limited to: watching movies, walks, snacks, trips to the grocery store, and creative activities. The momentary job will lend me the experience and clarity in regards to my hazy future as a possible art therapist, so to say I am excited is an understatement! After a tour of the house and a brief introduction to one of the young men I will be working with, I headed to the Brisbane mall to grab a bite to eat with Rob, the worker that kindly offered me the job.  I enjoyed a burger topped with caramelized onions and barbeque sauce and a side of ‘chips’. Rob and I debated the pronunciation of ‘caramelised’ and the use of an ‘s’ or ‘z’. Needless to say, I lost to the confident Aussie sitting across from me. 

Before this trip, my longest flight was a mere 5 hours. This weekend, i conquered what seemed like a year on a plane: 15 hours or mindless television, pages of empty text, music, and movies that didn't last long enough. I occupied myself by eating every chance given, which was almost every hour. Two meals, snacks, sweets, and endless drinks 39,000 feet in the air? It was hardly a bother, though i can not argue that the arrival of hour 14 was more than a relief.
The most important part of my journey was over with: getting to Australia alive. At 5:45 AM, i arrived in Brisbane, QLD. Customs was a breeze, baggage claim was a drag. I was finally here, after a year of dreaming and months of planning- i was finally in another country. The tropical air hung thick and my skin was rewarded for enduring 15 hours with minimal moisture with a glorious kiss of  humidity. No bottled water could ever please me as much as this.
And so here i am, at 12:30 PM on Monday. All of my bags are unpacked, i've had a nice shower, and my rooms feels like home. Amber and Paul are at work, and i'm here dreaming about the rest of my life.

Cheers to a safe trip, a glorious landing, and my traveling soul finally finding peace.
-M.

Roll bus, roll. Take me off.
A rolled sweatshirt makes the window soft.
If i fall asleep, don't wake me up.
Roll bus, roll. Take me up
I wasn't designed to move so fast, i wasn't designed to have so much past.
And in my minds eye they all have so much fun,
Nowhere to hide, nowhere to run.
And then the sun setting on my youth makes that old shadow get taller,
Oh, but it's all fine as long as the bus makes the city behind me get smaller and smaller.

And then inside some tiny dream,
And inside that some kind of me,
And outside us rolls the bus,
And the time will go by 'til inside me i am asleep.

Only ten days away from my departure! I'm so excited to explore a new country and leave everything i know about living here in Fort Worth behind. Though i will miss this city and the people, memories, and love that it holds- nothing will ever compare to travelling alone and pushing yourself to break new boundaries. This blog is where i will be posting stories, photos, and experiences from my time away. I've been thinking about ways to share all of the photos i plan on taking and decided to take advantage of this blog i've had set up for a while now. I really hope everyone enjoys reading my updates, as i will try to keep everyone in the loop as much as possible!

I love you all.
-Mack