My homecoming is a daunting reminder of how much I won’t be able to see during my stay here. From Ayers Rock to the endless beaches that string along the east coast- I will have only had the pleasure of catching a peak into the vast land that is Australia. I don’t go a second without thinking of my loved ones back in the States that helped get me here. So many people have played a role in my travels, both before and after I left. I received so much support and encouragement and I will never be able to fully express how grateful I am for that. The love I have for my family and friends is endless and I hope everyone is getting a little something out of this, even though you aren’t here to bless me with your presence.
If you know me, you know that I always have a theory, explanation, or guess as to why something is the way it is. My life has been easier since I’ve been here, I never have to stress or over-think much anymore… but why? What is it about changing living spaces, situations, and surroundings altogether (more like leaving the country) that makes it so much easier to just be? To exist on a level you feel comfortable?  Perhaps something in me has changed and I never knew how to be comfortable with things just being things. I’m dancing around the question with words, so I should get to the point: People fall in and out of my life often, most of the time it stings a little more than it should.  I think about it until I am no longer able to make sense of anything anymore, thus resulting in a frustrated, confused, and altogether puzzled girl. But, no worries- there is a light at the end of my wordy tunnel! The past month of my life I have done nothing but realize all that people have done for me in the process of destroying my (probably too tender and forgiving) heart. Through all the abandonment, broken trust, communication issues, and just soiled friendships I have learned that I am ultimately responsible for my actions and feelings. There is nothing in the world that could bother me so much that I wouldn’t be able to pick up the pieces.  I have nobody to thank but the people who aren’t in my life anymore… so thank you, thank you for showing me that I am capable of picking up the pieces time and time again. Thank you for showing me that I am strong enough to travel alone, to accept the love I am given, and to always strive for the betterment of my loved ones and treat others the way that I deserve to be treated.
 This weekend was especially trivial to me because I couldn’t get one specific conversation off my mind, nor could I be bothered to rid my mind of the person linked to said conversation. I know I just got done rambling on and on about the “bigger picture” and the ultimate purpose of estranged friendships… but what about the opposite?  The excitement and thrill of introducing new people into my intricately woven web of a life I have made for myself is something I will never get over. So here’s a tip of my glass recent discoveries of new hearts to warm and brains to pick! I can’t wait to see what you bring into my life.

Sometimes it’s hard to see a positive outcome when things get tough, but I am living proof that anything can happen if you want it to. I dreamt about getting out and just going somewhere nobody I knew had gone before and… I did it. I am living the dream and there is absolutely nothing I could ever say to explain how thrilled I am to have this life, body, and soul.

At last,
M.

Weary, but confident: Mackenzie Willems

I realize my absence has been noted, and i am here to rescue my mother from throwing her palms in the air in frustration and excitement for updates with no avail... No worries, Mother- i am here to save the day once again.

The last subject i touched on was a tad revealing in comparison to my previous posts. Initially, i was uncomfortable and considered editing out some bits or rewording or even deleting the post completely... but then i realized that i'm not a very censored person to begin with, so why did the subject matter rub in such a funny way? I decided that everything i'm going to post now- and in the future- will be completely and utterly uncensored. No editing, no rewording, no rearranging, no changing details- pure thought and memories, moods and colors. What is uncomfortable to me is unfamiliar, uncharted territory. I have a job to do and things to find out. Someone has to give the family something to talk about, right?

There's something about a city at night, after the traffic dies down and business women and men alike return to their homes to kick off their shoes and call it a day. Some sigh with exhaustion and some are just coming around. But none of that changes the cooling temperatures and the thinning air. The warm asphalt and concrete. The trees and plants finally gaining strength after a long, scorching, dehydrating day beneath the Australian sun. These things call on me- they summon me to the streets for a walk with no shoes. A seat on the patio for dinner. A lazy evening on the couch by the window. An endless breeze to kiss me, and a forgiving temperature asking me to stay. The longest day in the world flooded with uncertainty and confusion- all washed away with the setting of the sun. My toes are in the sand forever.

A journey is the act of traveling from one place to another. My only question for you is this: What is my journey if have no destination? What is yours? What counts as your destination, and is it an abstract speculation or accurate depiction of a worldly location? I want to know.

Note: Comments are always welcome, and i promise you a reply.

What i've been tossing back and fourth today is not only a question regarding character, but identity based solely on familiar surroundings. Are you who you are because of the people you are comfortable with? Are you the same when they aren't around? Which 'persona', if you will, do you find more revealing? I never coped with being vulnerable. I'm finding the things i left alone thick with questionable anxieties.
I never thought i'd come to realize that i miss my delusional life that was swallowed with convenience.

"I am a painter of nature, of natures moods, of sunlight and the changing temper of the sea."

A quote by John Russell consumed the top right corner of the room, presenting itself in glossy, black letters. Beneath the text a few Russell paintings sprawled across the wall in harmony with a set of paintings by E. Phillips Fox, a Naturalist painter. 

Bathing Hour by E. Phillips Fox

I sat on a bench in the middle of the room drifting back and fourth between enjoying the Queensland Art Gallery and dreading my walk back to the Institute of Technology campus in the lingering humidity. I was still cooling off from the trek to the museum but it didn't take away from my experience, that would have been impossible to do. I swiveled on the bench to face the opposite direction only to discover wonderful figure drawings by Rupert Bunny aligned across the wall; Both E. Philips Fox and Rupert Bunny were native to Australia, and both studied at National Gallery School in Melbourne, Victoria. As i wandered into the next room i was pleasantly surprised by a slew of paintings of Edwardian women spread across Parlor seating. The first thing that came to mind was "draw me like one of your french girls" and i giggled to myself. The paintings were beautiful, but i moved into the next collection.

Kite Flying by Ian Fairweather

The rest of my discoveries were wonderful. I took a liking to the Scottish-born painter Ian Fairweather and the Australian painter/printmaker Sidney Nolan. So much more caught my eye but names and titles always seem to slip through the cracks- but what i do remember is another piece by Ian Fairweather titled "War and Peace" and a portrait by Henri Toulouse-Loutres (that remains un-named in my mind) but i was unable to find photos of these pieces but i thought they were worth mentioning.

Mrs. Fraser and Convict by Sydney Nolan

I walked and met Amber for lunch by her work in South Bank. We decided on a sushi place where i got to experience my first sushi conveyor belt... it was interesting! After lunch i walked to The Modern of Queensland and looked around the permanent exhibits and bought a few things from the gift shop! I didn't actually go into the Matisse exhibit because Amber wanted to go with me. So anyway, i've been walking everywhere since the sun is out! It's extremely humid, but i manage.

The sun is finally out! After a whole week of rain! Yesterday i took a walk down to South Bank and relaxed in the parks off the river. On my way home i stopped in a few shops and ended up buying some locally made soaps made with oatmeal and goats milk! It's wonderful.